Living with consisting pain

Back and nerve pain are the things that restrict my capacity for walking and living a normal life of a young and single woman. It has costed me two jobs that I loved and at the moment I do not know when or how it is possible for me to get back to the working life. Being at home if ok for a while, but after few weeks not to mention few months it becomes your jail. You start to loose the connections that you used to have as you start to alienate from your life outside the home. You have to work really hard no to become depressed and to be able to keep up the good and positive spirit. I did really well for a long time but I have to say that the past month has been really hard for me. I don't really know why, maybe my energy storage has begun to run out.. But, I'm fighting back with all the strength that I have in me.

For me all this begun in year 2011 when I had an operation, two times in two weeks, to be accurate. I had a spinal disc herniation that was causing a situation where the spinal nerves were pressed by it in between sacrum, L5 and L4. The pain was horrible. After the first operation my condition started to go worse after the first day. I couldn't walk and then I couldn't even move my legs. So, the doctors decided to operate me again and the result was horrific pain at first but in couple days my condition started to go better. I was sent home and I was hopeful. I worked hard to get my self on my feet and able to do the things I used to do. I was able to graduate from my studies and go back to working. But almost precisely after one year from the operation I was back in the wheelchair. I slipped when I was walking my dogs and the next morning I woke up to an excruciating pain. I worked for an hour just to get up from the bed and get some painkillers. Since that I haven't had a day without the pain. I have had days and moths with pain that I can deal with, meaning I was able to work as a veterinary technician. I loved my work and I still do, even I haven't been able to work for 8 months now. I hope I still can return to do what I love...some day. But before that I have to get my body in shape and to do that I have to get an answer for what is the reason that keeps hurting me and making me disable to move, walk and so on... This what I am going through is pure hell. I almost have no life.. but as I said, I am fighting back so maybe this blog will become my way out from the pain and being nobody in this life. Now, I have something to do and something to tell, I have a reason.. Everybody needs a reason in their life to be a person, somebody and to feel that they matter.. Ok, now.. I gotta get some fish soup so I'll return to you later..
Be safe and remember to love yourself!


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